So this is a blog. I’ll be honest, I’m not sure what to expect out of this. My ultimate hope is that one person in this Internet world can relate to me, and not feel so alone. This is something that I struggle with, so I get it. I’m not going to make promises about weekly posts, and I have no clue what type of blog this is going to be. Rants? Lists? Poems? Who knows? Let’s just do this together. I think it would be really cool if we played 20 questions but a) I don’t know who you are at all and b) maybe when I press submit I’m sending this into a black hole. So I’m going to tell you 20 truths about me instead. I want you to be able to relate to me in some way. So the first 10 will be general facts, and the last 10 will be a little more personal. This is not about pity, or finding support. This is about reaching out in hopes of touching someone that feels alone. That is what I want. You don’t like it? Go away.
Here we go:
1. I am really close with my family. I mean, I actually like to go on vacations with them.
2. My sister is my absolute best friend in the whole wide world. We refer to each other as “seesters,” or in more recent instances “seech.” This is how I will refer to her from here on out.
3. Hanging out with my dad is one of my favourite activities in the world.
4. I ski in the winter and camp in the summer and as a result, I’ve done some really cool things and seen some really cool parts of Canada.
5. I’m Canadian. And I like to watch hockey.
6. I’m in school to become a teacher. I’ve known that I was born to be a teacher since grade 3.
7. My worst fears include my basement, chickens, skeletons in museums, and dogs.
8. I love, love, love, love, love to read.
9. My ultimate dream place to live would be somewhere in the mountains, but I don’t think I can get a teaching job there.
10. The best thing I own is my onesie.
11. I am all about quality over quantity, particularly when it comes to friends. I don’t have a lot of friends, but the ones I have are the best I could ever ask for.
12. At the time of writing this, I have never been on a date. And sometimes, I feel really self-conscious about that.
13. I have struggled with depression at a few points in my life.
14. I have had to let go of so many friends that when something happens, and I’m not friends with someone anymore, it hardly hurts.
15. I don’t think I have ever truly fit in before.
16. Elementary school was a very dark time in my life, and the last parts of high school come in a close second.
17. I hate being alone, but I end up alone most of the time because I have the worst luck when it comes to making plans.
18. I am not at all skinny, or overly pretty. I’m average.
19. I tend to slip into ruts where I am not motivated to do anything which means my room is a mess and my brain is a mess and I become a mess and it is not a good place.
20. I have been through therapy a couple times.
That’s me. Not all of me, but enough of me. Did you find one small thing you can relate to? I am not an ideal person. Not even a little bit. But I’m real. I have never and will never try to be someone I’m not. For me, life is not about being ideal. It’s about being real. Life is messier, and harder, but it is also more beautiful if you look back and know that YOU accomplished everything on YOUR terms. I once read a quote in a Chicken Soup book that said “Never regret. If it’s good, it’s wonderful; if it’s bad, it’s experience.” I took that to heart and I have taken all my experiences as something to learn from. And you know what? It made me a better person. I have been able to connect myself and my past without holding on to the past. It made me more authentic.
Thank you for starting this journey with me. I don’t know where this is going to end up, and I don’t know when we shall talk next, but it has been a pleasure. Also, I wrote this instead of finishing the last 1000 words of a history essay. Bonus fact: I procrastinate.