So my life is changing. In less than a month, I’m heading to
England. And as the summer is coming to a close, I have been through a lot. I
think this has been my most social summer yet. But when that comes around, so
does some drama. As I have mentioned in a previous
lessons learned, drama is a thing you just cannot escape no matter how mature
you are. It is not easy to deal with. I’ve been through it this summer. I’m
sure you read the title: friend breakup. It happens. And here’s what I learned:
1. You shouldn’t feel obligated to keep
someone in your life.
We’re going to call this friend Taylor
because it’s gender neutral. Taylor told me a while ago that they consider me
one of their best friends. We were hanging out all the time. They called me
when they needed to talk about their life, and took me out when we both needed
some time to chill out. When it comes down to it, Taylor was not making me
happy. Despite Taylor considering me a best friend, I simply could not continue
a friendship that was not reaping mutual benefits. Taylor was far from my best
friend.
2. Believe someone when they show you who they
are the first time.
Original orator: Maya Angelou. Echo: my
mom. Taylor was always telling me they are not a good person. I would always
try to convince them of otherwise. And I think in the process, I managed to
convince myself. I overlooked the moments that proved Taylor’s point because I
wanted them to be a better person. Please don’t do that to yourself. Taylor was
right; they are not a good person, and I should have believed that from the
beginning. Perhaps the first time could be a fluke, but when the same behaviour
continues, red flags must be raised.
3. It’s a bad sign when you are ashamed to be
friends with someone.
My breaking point with Taylor was when they met Sarah. Taylor managed to be insulting, rude, and insensitive within one conversation. I will admit that I allowed Taylor to get away with comments towards me that I would not allow anyone else to get away with when it was just the two of us. When we were with Sarah, I got a different perspective. I was unsettled by Taylor’s behaviour. There was no way I could continue the friendship if I felt the need to explain our friendship to others. Other friends should see why they hold a place in your heart.
My breaking point with Taylor was when they met Sarah. Taylor managed to be insulting, rude, and insensitive within one conversation. I will admit that I allowed Taylor to get away with comments towards me that I would not allow anyone else to get away with when it was just the two of us. When we were with Sarah, I got a different perspective. I was unsettled by Taylor’s behaviour. There was no way I could continue the friendship if I felt the need to explain our friendship to others. Other friends should see why they hold a place in your heart.
Friend breakups suck, but it happens. [source] |
4. You shouldn’t have to change who you are to
be friends with someone.
This is something I realized when Taylor
met Sarah. When Taylor dropped us off, I apologized and promised Sarah that she
never had to see Taylor again (which is messed up in itself). But Sarah turned
to me and said “I think that relationship tells more about you as a person than
it does for him.” Which, essentially, means “you are a strong person for
constantly dealing with that.” And that just should not happen. Changing yourself
for your friends can be a good thing; adapting to meet the needs of your
friends is normal. But when you find yourself annoyed and arguing and
babysitting, then perhaps you need to reconsider what the friendship is doing
for you.
5. You should never feel angry after every
hangout.
I am not the kind of person who gets angry
easily, and I came home after every hangout with Taylor with a burning anger. It
started with frustration and grew to a more serious emotion. This is not
something I needed in my life. Friends should not be evoking something like
that in your life. Anger is a destructive emotion, and I could not tell you
where it could have ended up had I chosen to keep Taylor in my life.
6. Being a good friend requires having a good friend.
What I mean by this is that friendship is a
two way street. I learned so much about Taylor. I know about their past, and
their plans for the future, and figured out their flaws. It seemed like every
hangout ended up Taylor reveling over something I has discovered about them. I
listened. I was always listening. I knew what made them tick. And we never
brushed the surface with me. We once met up with a mutual friend, and she and I
got into a serious conversation about our mothers. Taylor had no idea about how
many issue I was having with my mom at the time because we never got to talk
about me. Someone told me there gets to a point in an uneven relationship where
the one giving finally gives up unless they got something back. And the truth
is, I don’t know it Taylor would ever have the capability of being a friend to
me like I was to them.
Learn from every ex-friend. [source] |
7. The last impressions are just as important
as the first.
As I said, I hit a breaking point. I did not
- and strongly advise against – acting immediately. I waited a week or so
before I contacted Taylor. The truth was, I had come to care about them. So I
told them I wish I could still be a positive influence in their life, but I
simply could not tolerate the way they treated me. Taylor tried to blame the
situation on me. They claimed it was because we were “not compatible” rather
than taking the responsibility for it themselves. Taylor’s final words to me
were negative words against Sarah. Taylor’s final text to me was telling me
that our conversation was on speaker. And so, dear Taylor, good luck trying to
be my friend in the future, for that last memory is burned into my mind.
When it comes down to it, you really do need to surround
yourself with the best people. Friends who raise you up and make you happy are
of the utmost importance to your personal success. When you introduce your
friends to other friends, it should be obvious as to why they hold merit in
your life. I have a friend Deanna who is a ray of sunshine. Everyone is
incredibly happy to be around her. A school friend of mine recently met her,
and I got a text telling me how wonderful she is. And that’s how all your
friends should be. People who bring you down are not worth any of your precious
time. I know it’s not easy to let go of people, but sometimes, it needs to be
done.
What is the best lesson you have learned from a friend
breakup?
-Daniella
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