Real, Not Ideal

What is self care? I’ve been having these conversations a lot lately. The “wellness” industry has us thinking that self care is all about taking baths and doing face masks and having a workout routine. They certainly have a point because I do love a Sunday night bath to set me up for the week. However, I think self care is beyond that as well. These industrialized forms of self care can be band-aid solutions to the bumps we encounter in life where self care should be about truly getting to the centre of what helps you. To me, self care is recognizing the things you need to do in a day that help you function and roll with the punches. It changes all the time. It changes day to day as well. Yes, taking a bath definitely helps with stress; it’s an important part of my routine as well. But sometimes, self care is spending an entire afternoon reading in the pool because that’s what helps you focus your mind. I read With or Without You* in one afternoon. It comes out on the 4 th so it’...

I suppose, in a sense, I was lucky. I was not bullied aggressively or physically. The kind of bullying I went through in elementary school was bullying by exclusion. From grade one to three, I had a good group of friends, but after that, they changed schools and that changed my life. At that point, no one liked me. No one from school asked me to hang out. I remember the last time in elementary school someone did ask me. The only reason they did was because they were new and didn’t know they weren't supposed to like me. When it came to the grade eight trip, the teacher had to call a meeting with all the girls to convince three of them to give up one night to room with me. I don’t have good memories from that time. However, I learned some important things. 1.        Good friends are a blessing. The thing about not having friends for the longest time is that when you do have good friends, they hold an extra special place in your heart. I’ve written about...

One of the biggest lessons I’ve learned is that having expectations can be dangerous. Expectations come in many forms and apply to many situations, but the one thing that is the same about all expectations – they limit your way of thinking. There’s a funny thing that happens when you go into an interaction or experience with an expectation: you look for ways to support that idea. You’ve heard that a certain person is rude and awful to have a conversation with, and when you meet them, you look for the ways they interrupt or force opinions on you. You heard that a presentation is boring, so you go in expecting it to be boring. Similarly, people have told you how amazing a place is, so you are amped for a cool adventure. What is really happening when you’re placing these expectations on situations is that you’re allowing your mind to believe there is only one outcome. [source] The thing is, having large expectations can lead to disappointments. You expect someone to react a certain...

We’ve all seen it on TV: the 30 years olds having a crisis because they realized their life is not what they thought would happen. Whatever plans they set out for themselves have not gone the way they expected, so they are unsure of their identity. There’s an anxiety about not becoming who you set out to be. The thing is, I don’t want to look at my life in five years and feel like I’ve failed. Therefore, I don’t believe in five years plans. I’m not entirely sure what I’m going to be having for breakfast tomorrow, and I find meal planning for a week difficult enough, so why would I place that kind of pressure on my life? The thing is, life is unpredictable. Most of the time, you can’t control that way things play out. Things are not going to work out just the way you intended it to, and that’s okay. Due to unforeseeable circumstances, I think it’s silly to map out your path for the next five years. [source] That being said, I do have goals in mind that shape my decisions. Withi...

We live within a society that places an importance on sex. All you need to do is look at pretty much any ad to see an over-sexualisation of the human body. I read an article by Rashida Jones in Glamour magazine in January 2014 titled “Major Don’t: The Pornification of Everything.” The article goes on to tear down our sex culture and explain the implications of “pornification,” particularly on women. Take me for example. It is extremely difficult for me to look in the mirror and say that I’m beautiful . And by beautiful, I mean sexy. “Sexy” is not a term I would use to describe myself whatsoever. The reason for that is that I don’t know what being sexy means. Media tells me that being sexy means being promiscuous and skinny and revealing parts of myself that I’m not comfortable with. That’s just not who I am. So am I still sexy? [source] Apparently, I’m not the only woman to question this. Glamour did a study in 1993 that said 39% of women enjoy sex more if they lost weight. ...

Sorry for the day-late post! I was so focused on my school work yesterday that I completely forgot about the blog - just goes to show you how focused I've actually been. I'll also be posting on Wednesday instead of Tuesday so I can maintain space between posts. Just to keep you updated. I’m going to admit something straight up – I plagiarized this title from the article I was inspired by. The truth is, I can’t say it any more blatantly than that; it’s perfect. In the article found in Glamour magazine (I forgot to write the year down), the author Megan Angelo describes just how disappointed she is that female friendships are not portrayed on TV. I remember watching a documentary about how females are portrayed in media, and the reason we’re so misrepresented is because TV is a predominantly male field of work. We have shows like Sex in the City that show us accurate friendships: brunch, shopping, and dishing about the partners we’re into, but the higher Escalante isn't qu...

Disclaimer: I am not an expert by any means. I’ve been in a relationship (for the first time) for two and a half months. But the one good thing about being single for so long is that I have gained knowledge from seeing others go through their issues. I also have the most amazing role models as parents who will be married for 23 years this May. Perhaps this opinion of mine has come from being single for so long and being surrounded by friends in happy relationships. Nevertheless, I believe the secret to the most successful relationships is to have your own life outside of the relationship. I know there is some kind of sociological theory that supports my theory. I remember my professor saying last year that everyone is looking for someone to complete them, when, in reality, you should be looking for something who is a part of you.   [source] The truth is, YOU are in a relationship. Without you, there’s no relationship at all. I will stand firm in the belief that you cannot cha...

I feel like closure is one of the most relatable forces in the world. I say force because it’s one of those things that tends to weigh on your mind and can eat at you until you drive yourself crazy. Closure is more important than people make it out to be. I have never been broken up with, but I understand how crucial it is to get closure when a relationship ends whether it’s romantic or as simple as a friendship. Ending a relationship with someone is incredibly cruel if they don’t give you a reason.   I’ve been there. I’ve been in the situation where I’m lying in bed going in circles so many times figuring out what I did wrong. Let me share a story with you. [source] The first guy that I liked that actually liked me back was six years ago. A.C. and I really connected when we met and spent an hour and a half talking behind a couch. It didn’t end up working out (young love, go figure), but we became best friends and talked about everything. He was a good friend to me for ...

Here’s a shocker for everyone reading this: I am not skinny. Summer is here, and I know this can be a vulnerable for those who don’t have “bikini bodies.” And I get it, I really do. There are times when I have wanted to cover up or stay wrapped in a towel. But that’s no way to have fun in the summer. My weight and body is something I have come to accept. I love myself just as it is. This is not easy, especially when there are so many images that invite me to think otherwise. A rare case of a brand offering support for girls who are not perfect is Aerie ’s No Touchup Campaign. I can’t remember when it was launched, but I was extremely happy to see models just as they are in their ads.  [source] This is a good step in the right direction when it comes to positive body image. Girls can come to accept freckles, body rolls, and tattoos. Aerie primarily sells bras, underwear, and swimwear. Let’s face it, even the best of us don’t always feel comfortable mostly naked. By seeing ...

There are certain things in life that we all come across. I’ve previously written about my experience with pretty , and I have since thought about something else we all experience. Popularity. According to Merriam-Webster Dictionary, the definition of popular is “of or relating to the general public; suitable to the majority; frequently encountered or widely accepted.” To be honest, I don’t see how that ties into what makes people popular. It is my personal belief that popularity should not be a thing. It is interconnected with being cool, and I just don’t see why that holds such a strong value in society. If we’re looking at school settings in particular, we see distinct groups that are placed above others. Again, I’m going to question why that is. Why must there be a social ladder that dictates how social interactions are meant to be carried out, especially when the definition of popular changes as you grow up. [source] I have never been popular. I’ve seen what it takes to ...

When do girls first learn that being pretty matters? Where does the pressure to be pretty come from? Is there a difference between pretty and beautiful? What makes you feel beautiful? What advice do you have for girls who don’t feel pretty? These are the questions posed by Buzzfeed’s video titled “What It Means to Be Pretty” (watch it below). These days, everyone has something to say on this topic, and that’s because no matter who you are, you have had an experience with “pretty.” This includes all ages, genders, races, and classes. Every woman at some point or another has felt pressure to be pretty. In this video, the women share their experiences. Of course, most of what they were saying spoke to me. And why? Because pretty has power. I distinctly remember in elementary school when I first felt the pressure to be pretty. To me, it meant the boys only liked pretty girls and no guys liked me, so I was not pretty. That is something that has carried into my adult life. However, I h...

So here I am a few hours after my final exam, and man, I am happy. The sense of relief I felt at the end was amazing because I have been studying like crazy, but I can honestly say this has been the best year of my life. I have learned so much about myself. And so, similarly to my summer edition of lessons learned, I have reflected on my year and come up with the things I have learned this year. 1.        Drama will persist throughout your life. I find it hard to know where to start in describing this. For an awful three months, I lost a friend. This is someone that I had grown very close to in a few short months. This was someone I could see becoming a best friend. And due to a miscommunication, we lost each other. I’ve realized that one is never above drama. I thought I was beyond arguments over menial things after high school, and I was wrong. But let me tell you, it’s not the end of the world. The good thing about adult fights is everyone is ...

It’s April. That means school is wrapping up, and exams are starting. It’s the final stretch. I need to keep my head in the game more than ever if I want to end this year successful. On page 30 of Glamour’s November 2014 issue, there is an article about women in technology. The women interviewed shared their tips on how to be successful, and some of the quotes stood out to me, so I want to integrate their ideas into what I believe are the tools one needs to get to top. Being successful could mean anything to you. There’s a general sense of accomplishment in a successful life, getting the promotion at your job, or getting that A on your final paper. Whatever it means to you, I hope you find these tips useful. 1.        Be yourself.   I mentioned this way back in my tips for school post , but I need to reiterate it. As Ishani Mukherjee says in the Glamour article, “there’s nothing like kicking ass and doing yourself proud.” When you look back on y...