Tuesday, January 5, 2016

The Importance of Closure


I feel like closure is one of the most relatable forces in the world. I say force because it’s one of those things that tends to weigh on your mind and can eat at you until you drive yourself crazy. Closure is more important than people make it out to be. I have never been broken up with, but I understand how crucial it is to get closure when a relationship ends whether it’s romantic or as simple as a friendship. Ending a relationship with someone is incredibly cruel if they don’t give you a reason.  I’ve been there. I’ve been in the situation where I’m lying in bed going in circles so many times figuring out what I did wrong. Let me share a story with you.

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The first guy that I liked that actually liked me back was six years ago. A.C. and I really connected when we met and spent an hour and a half talking behind a couch. It didn’t end up working out (young love, go figure), but we became best friends and talked about everything. He was a good friend to me for a while. And, as all good stories go, we changed. I woke up one day and realized we weren’t friends anymore. For some reason beyond my reach, we weren’t on good terms. I watched myself get replaced by a girl completely opposite to me. I distinctly remember her telling me just how close they were. I had lost not only my best friend but someone special to me. I couldn’t figure out for the life of me what happened between us. I did what anyone would do – I changed his name in my phone to “YOU’RE OVER IT” and deleted him off of all social media. The thing is, “out of sight out of mind” works only if you’re not in the same social group. I would see him every so often and spent weeks after wracking my brain about our situation. It made me miserable.

Three years ago, I made the decision to figure it out. I knew I was going to see him again and that we were probably going to be in each other’s lives for a long time. I reached out and I asked him what had happened. We had a frank conversation about everything. I explained what I needed to, and he explained what he needed to. And that’s it. I got the closure I needed. Since then, we have been good acquaintances. We’ll catch up when we see each other and hug goodbye, but there is no longer a tension of the relationship that was.
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I understand that not all situations will play out this way. Sometimes, closure is just impossible to get. If that’s the case for you, then what you can take from this is that best breakups are the ones that happen cleanly. That includes the ones you break off. When I had my friendship breakup in the summer, I gave that friend the exact reason why I couldn’t be friends with them anyone so they wouldn’t go through what I did. I was in a situation a year ago where a guy let me down so well that there was no confusion as to why it happened. Closure is importance to people’s well-being. Some people are easier to let go than others, but it is important to remember that all the people from your past are a part of you, but they do not define you.

-Daniella