The Notion of Home

What does home mean to you? A place to lay your hat? Where the heart is? Where your mom is? What makes a home? Stores insist that their products are the ones that can make a house a home. There are cleaning products that insist that a clean house is a home. So what does home really mean?

I struggle with this. Ultimately, home is with my family. It’s in Canada. It’s in the house where I grew up. My books are there. My childhood teddy bear is there. My family pictures are there. Most of my memories are there. It’s where I feel the most comfortable: the most myself.

Yet, I’ve moved away from that home. I’ve moved away from that home three times. When I was in Cardiff, I didn’t feel at home in the place I lived in. In fact, I was miserable. But when I visit Cardiff again, it feels like I’m coming home. Leeds has been my home for three years. Matt thought it was a big deal when I started calling our tiny flat our home. Whenever I go away, I tend to call whatever AirBnb or hotel room home.

“Let’s go home and decide there.”

I’m now in the position where I’m a week away from going back to Canada, but I’m leaving the home I’ve created at my school. I don’t get to say goodbye to my co-workers, let alone my pupils. It’s the most heartbreaking thing I’ve ever experienced. I’ve made another home here.

Have I played too fast and loose with the word home? Is it possible to stretch your definition of home into different places?

I once asked my dad about this. He said the same thing as me. He considers home to be where he grew up even though Nonna doesn’t live there anymore. Am I to expect the same thing if my parents ever move away from my childhood home?

I have an odd relationship with the word. I know what makes me feel like I’m home. I know who makes me feel like I’m home. I just don’t know what home really means.