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Farewell, 2021

When I thought about writing this post, I thought about how to best show off my year. I wanted to do 21 things I did in 2021, but something about that feels off. 

In all honesty, last year was hard for me. I told Matt this recently, and he was under the assumption that 2020 would have been worse. It wasn't. 


Around this time last year, I was waiting to start therapy back up again. I was already in an emotional strained place.

In February, I got injured. I lost all of my coping strategies. I was in pain, I couldn't sleep, I couldn't clean my room, and I couldn't ski. I didn't realize it until I was out of it, but it drove me into a five-month depressive episode. 

I should have seen the signs. I had no motivation to do anything. I couldn't read, and I wasn't journaling - even when I started to feel better. 

Fast forward to June, and my knee wasn't getting better. Then, I find out the extent to which I was actually injured and have to deal with that. 

I'm grateful for my surgery. I was in more pain in February than I have been the entire time. 

However, it didn't do great for my mental health. I stayed positive for sure, and I was vigilant, but I was so stuck. I was stuck in one place because I literally couldn't go anywhere. I was stuck because I had to rely on everyone else to do everything for me. I was stuck because I had no purpose and no clue as to when I could return back to life. I was stuck because I had no idea when Matt was going to arrive. I was stuck because I had no job prospects at the time. 

I'm proud of getting through those moments. I'm also going to forever thank the friends and family that were entirely there for me. 

Ultimately, things turned around. Matt's here, I got a permanent job, I'm getting my financials in order, and I have a solid network of people around me for support. I also medically advocated for myself and got diagnosed with ADHD which is helping me understand my own thoughts and actions. 

That doesn't mean things are perfect. I feel like I'm entering this year as I started last year. I miss my sister, things with Covid are growing more and more uncertain every day, and I'm still not able to ski.

That last one may not seem like a big deal to anyone, but skiing is one of the only things I do that shuts my brain off. It's self-care for me. Over the holidays, I broke down because I had to come face to face with the fact that it's a huge part of me that I don't get to do. I don't know how to be without it. Just when I think I'm doing well with recovery, I'm reminded of my limitations. It's not ideal, but it's most definitely the reality I'm living with at the moment. 

All that is just to say that I'm glad 2021 is in the rearview. I want and deeply hope that 2022 will be better. 

Happy New Year, everyone. 

-Daniella
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