Healing Myself

         I’ve been thinking a lot about the situation I was in last year. My knee injury threw me for a complete loop, and it was the beginning of a series of months that led me to being stuck physically, mentally, and emotionally. Luckily, I’m out of that, and it’s thanks to me.

Everyone is always first to thank family, friends, and other support systems, and I’m obviously grateful for all of those people, but ultimately, I got myself through it all.

I saw my surgeon just over a week ago, and the first thing the trainee doctor said to me was that he loved my positive attitude. When I found out I was having surgery, I promised myself that I would do everything I could to maintain that. You see, my surgery date came so quickly that I didn’t have time to process what the next few months of recovery were going to look like. As a result, I just made up my mind that I was going to heal.

The day I had surgery, I started physio and then didn’t stop for months. I had a whole routine and stuck to it. My mobility slowly started to come back. The biggest deal was when I could move my kneecap for the first time. When I got rid of the crutches and started to walk again, I made sure I stuck to the exercises.

Naturally, there was a lull in the motivation, but it hit me all over again over Christmas break when I had the hardest time not skiing. I felt like a part of my identity was gone because skiing is what I do in the winter. In the past couple months, I threw myself back into strengthening exercises, and it paid off.

At that appointment, I got a lot of good news. I’m well on my way to being healed completely. The bulk in my legs is coming back. My knee feels like an actual knee most days. I can start doing conditioning work so I can get back to skiing next season.

In all honesty, I almost cried when I left that appointment. I did that. I healed myself. I made up my mind that I would recover, and I’m almost there.

That week, I happened to have a massage and I had taken the opportunity to thank my legs and knees and feet for carrying me through this recovery process. I told my left knee how proud I was that it was healing, and I thanked my right knee and hip for bearing the brunt for a while. I also reminded them that they can let go because I’m good now.

As silly as that sounds, I think it was important for me to do that. My body has been through a pretty major event in the past year, and I’m proud of us for getting through it together.

This may be an insular experience, but if you’re in recovery, take some time to thank your body and take the space to be proud of yourself for getting through it. And also, go do your physio!