The Word "Should" Is My Enemy

 I think the word “should” is my enemy. In my vulnerable moments, this is where I start those spirals.

                I should be able to find balance . . .

                I should be able to handle this . . .

                I should feel like I’m more prepared . . .

                I should be making more time for myself . . .

                I should be spending more time with the people I love . . .

                I should reach out to that person . . .

                I should be finding this easier . . .

                I should . . . I should . . . I should.

And then I end up feeling like I’m not good enough.  

                Not a good friend.

                Not a good teacher.

                Not a good daughter.

                Not a good person.

Not worthy enough to feel happiness.

But none of that is true, is it?

It’s all because that word gets to me. It snakes its way into my thoughts. It becomes the most pervasive brain wave that makes me question my very being.

And I need to stop. I need to take the space to remind myself that I’m so much more than the things I think I “should” be.

                That the tough moments will pass.

                That I am strong.

                That I am determined.

                That I have done a lot for someone of my age.

                That I love what I do and that is of value to my students.

                That my people love me no matter what.

                That I am growing.

As a wise friend once told me, I need to stop “should-ing all over the place.”