Fake It 'Til You Make It

I am someone who reflects on my life a lot. This is both good and bad. Bad because I realize some sad or upsetting things. Good because I have been able to pull myself out of funks or make a change that was needed. But change is one of those really scary words. It takes guts to realize where your life needs work and put your thoughts to action and it’s intimidating to figure out where to take the first step. I prefer to take small steps in order to reach a bigger goal. Let’s face it, you have probably been in that “I need to change” mindset but then forgotten what you thought was a good idea to change. You get all caught up in the bigger goals without focusing on the smaller things needed to achieve the ultimate goal. My ultimate goal at hand? My love life.

I have a fantastic family, and the most amazing friends. Where I’m lacking is truly the love department. In fact, it is something I am lacking in confidence. It’s all about my history with guys. And what I mean by that is…I have none. I’m okay with that at this point. A relationship is not something I am scrounging for. If it happens, it happens. If it doesn’t, it doesn’t. But I want to change my lack of confidence. How do I do that? Fake it ‘til I make it. That motto does not apply to many situations, but I have used it to great success before. For example: you’re upset because you had a fight with a friend but you need to be happy in your work environment. Fake it and it won’t be so hard after a while. Example: You are nervous for a job interview and not sure what to expect. Fake it by dressing really well and you’ll feel more confident. It seems odd, but it works.

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So how do I apply this to my day to day situations? There’s a cute guy at a bar/sitting next to me/he’s my waiter. The key is to not give yourself time to think. Let’s face it, we’ve all been in situations where we overthink what we’re going to say and then we talk ourselves out of it. So don’t think. Seize the instant moment when you want to say something.

Example: Cute bartender has been making your drinks “with love” all night (he said it, not me).

What I said: “Hey! I’m Daniella. Thanks for making my drinks and I think you’re really cute.”

Outcome: He blushed and giggled and said thanks. I felt good knowing I made his night.

Example: Waiter has been teasing me because I was driving so I ordered a Shirley Temple.

What I said: “You have a wonderful smile”

Outcome: He smiled that wonderful smile at me, and, once again, I made someone’s night.

Example: Guy sitting next to me in a work zone at school and had laughed at my conversation earlier.

What I said: “I hope we didn’t bother you too much”

Outcome: He joked that he had a midterm and then we talked about sunsets. Also, my friends gave me the “omigod you’re talking to a cute guy and I am so proud of you” look.

So as we can see, I put myself out there. It was scary. But I didn’t die, and I didn’t shrivel up. I’m a chronic blusher, so that’s about all that happened. And really truly honestly, the best thing for me has just been not thinking. I say what I want to say. I’m not about to come up with some wicked opening line. I’m just not that smooth. So I’m myself. I say exactly what I want to say when the feeling strikes me. I wanted to change this part of my life, and I am actively taking the steps needed. Am I feeling more confident? Not yet. But I’m getting there. And who knows? Maybe the next guy I talk to will be the one that asks me out.

-Daniella