I remember forever ago when I used to watch America’s Next
Top Model, and they did an exercise where they wrote the word that made them
feel bad about themselves and rephrased it to make it their source of power.
For years, that has stuck with me. Everyone has one word that brings them back
into a sad place. It may be a nickname they were teased about when they were
younger or something that reflects their insecurities. Whichever it is, I feel
like everyone has one. It’s a word that comes up every so often and uncovers
feelings from the past. It doesn’t matter if you’re an adult and 10+ years past
the incident, but it still has the power to open up old wounds. My word is
bookworm.
I AM a bookworm. There’s nothing wrong with that. It’s what
makes me who I am, and I knew that even then. However, when someone takes your
identity and uses it as an insult, it hurts. I remember when this person called
me a bookworm. It was said with so much disgust and opposition. It wasn’t the word itself that got to me – it was that this individual saw me and my
hobby as a bad thing. It was that he looked down on me for my love of reading.
It was that he saw myself as lesser than him because of the things I love. I
never liked the word bookworm after that moment. It went from a description of
who I am to the way people put me down. I felt ashamed for reading. I felt embarrassed that I was a "loser" for doing what I loved. Being a bookworm put me on the outside.
Today, I still don’t like the word, but I choose to
embrace it. I’m a bookworm, and I always have been. I could read before kindergarten.
I got to take books off of the big kid shelf in grade one. I hold the all time
record for most read books in the same year. I once went to book camp. I can
read a 400+ page book in four sittings. I am studying English in university. I
want to teach English to inspire the same passion in teenagers. I write book reviews
that authors have read and liked. Reading is an integral part of my
life. I don’t want to shy away from being a bookworm. I'm proud of what I have accomplished; I’m proud of who I am.
The thing is, what some use to take you down may actually be your biggest
strength.
What word reminds you of childhood teasing? How have you overcome
that as you grew up?
-Daniella
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