I had an incident happen last week that I would like to
share. This is not coming from a place of anger or fear or discontent. It’s coming
from a place of disappointment and understanding. Upon reflection, I can only think
about my own actions and hope that I can be better in the future. I also hope
that I’m never in this situation again, but I know that’s not a possibility.
Preface: I’m not going to name companies. They are not
responsible for the actions of their employees. However, I can assure you I’ve
brought the issue to customer service, and I’m grateful for the seriousness
they have approached this issue with.
It was Friday night. I was waiting for a food delivery from
a greasy food chain. I was with my sister and my boyfriend, and I was wearing
sweatpants and NOT a bra. When I got the call, I put a sweater on to make the
braless situation less obvious. I went downstairs and got my food from the
courier, who seemed nice. Since I’m a Canadian living in the UK, I’m used to
people asking where I’m from. I politely answered his question and started
walking back up the stairs to my building. He told me he knew a nice girl from
Canada once, and I started getting uncomfortable.
This conversation was lasting too long.
At some point, he started walking up the stairs to get
closer to me. I froze. I became VERY aware that I wasn’t wearing a bra. I was
also aware of the fact that I left my key upstairs and couldn’t actually get
back into my building without ringing back up and waiting for a response.
He kept talking to me. I kept insisting that I had to leave because
I was hungry and had to get back up. My feet couldn’t seem to take me away from
the situation. He touched my arm at one point. He asked me why I was leaving at
one point. I could hear my tone of voice change as the conversation continued.
What broke me out of that moment was a man walking up the
stairs to get to his own flat. I just started walking away behind him saying “No,
I’m not giving you my number, but thanks!”
Why didn’t I mention that my boyfriend was upstairs waiting
for food? Why didn’t I pretend that I knew the man walking up the stairs so I had
an excuse to walk away? Why did politeness overrule my clear instinct that the
situation I was in was not okay? Why did I say thank you to the creepy courier
asking for my number? And why does this story mirror thousands of others?
The truth is that I was lucky. No harm came to me. I live in
a very secure building with someone else. I called the company within half an
hour and they are taking it to another department. I’m expecting to hear from them
soon to confirm what happened.
To all those who say “Why didn’t you just leave?” to all
women who have a story like this to tell, I have this to say: sometimes, you
can’t. Sometimes, your body won’t let you. You do not know until you are in a situation
like this how your body will react. I am confident in so many aspects of my
life, but politeness overrode instinct. That is what females are taught.
Females are hyper-aware of the dangers we face in everyday
life. We don’t take cabs home alone when we’re drunk. We don’t run alone at night.
We take routes that are out of our way to avoid sketchy areas. The scary thing
is, sometimes these moments happen in front of your own building when you’re in
your sweatpants and the only thing you’re expecting for the night is a five
second exchange of food.
Stay safe, friends.
-Daniella
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